The Bitter Bogs: Chapter the First
by thefollowingmisfortune
Summary: This time, the Baudelaire's are riding through a vast forested area with Mr. Poe by their side. In this chapter, Mr. Poe hands the Baudelaire's something that may change the course of their stay with their new gaurdian...
1. The Bitter Bogs: Chapter the First

If you have ever seen a tiger in Australia, a princess in the clutches of a dastardly elf, or Paris, you may say to yourself or to the miserable grey people beside you, that you couldn't believe your eyes. Not believing your eyes doesn't mean that your eyes are not telling the truth and that you have chosen to not believe them, not believing your eyes means you are surprised, shocked, and inevitably shaken in amusement or pain by what you see around you, hear around you, feel around you, or even smell around you. If you have been following along with my saddening writings of the three Baudelaire orphans then you have probably clued in that every eyesight that the Baudelaire's have not believed in have not been amusement.

Sunny had not seen a single material in which she adored to bite with her very sharp front four teeth anywhere, since that dreadful day when the Baudelaire's fortune stopped - for good. Klaus had not re-re-read a single book from the collection of his parents literature of the Baudelaire Library, since that unfortunate afternoon while walking along the grey strip of Briny Beach. Violet had not invented something for her own comfort starting from the day their lives fell into shambles, rusting, bruising, and utterly being mangled as they went down the path of pure depression.

But saying that the sights that the Baudelaire's could not believe being pain is too general, or in other words "A bit to un descriptive of the Baudelaire's perils". The Baudelaire orphans have been in more of a terrible blender filled with utterly depressing times, whirring, and liquefying, until their lives are no more that a forgotten moldy stream of a tasteless mess, than pain. And I am sorry to say that the Baudelaire's lives will not be accompanied by amusing sights that are not believed by one's eye, but are acompanied by depressing sights in which the Baudelaire's can believe are happening, but that any other human being will not believe with their un detecting eyes.

"I can't believe my eyes!", exclaimed Mr. Poe as be looked out the window of the small buggy racing along the country side, "would you look at this countryside racing by! Isn't it simply - " but before he could finish his compliment to nature, Mr. Poe reached into his jacket and pulled out a white handkerchief, and coughed several times into it before putting it back. "Where was I?" he asked to himself.

Violet, the eldest Baudelaire was looking out of the window across from Mr. Poe's, sighing at the dark and gloomy country side much like her life, "You were saying what you thought of the countryside, and if you are going to say that it is gray, sad, and depressing, then you are in fact correct, unless your side of the road is green, happy, and sunny - "

"Juh?" Sunny asked abruptly as she sat up from her rest beside her eldest sibling. Juh, like many other words of Sunny's, have no true meaning, but can be translated into English by her loyal siblings. Juh? here means "What? You said my name, Violet!"

Violet looked at her confusingly, then smiled. "Oh no Sunny, I was talking about the weather - or what the weather should be like, as a matter of fact." she said, grinning for the first time in several hours. The small buggy bumped, raced, and maneuvered in all other sorts of fashions, a word which here means "Quirky directions, ways, and passages" down the small quirky passageway and during it's last maneuvering turn, it stopped abruptly, shuffling the Baudelaire's bodies, just like Count Olaf had shuffled their very lives.

Klaus was the first to speak up, "Excuse me, Mr. Poe, but where are we exactly?" he asked, staring out the dew covered window, out into the quirky countryside. But before Mr. Poe could answer, he reached into his jacket pocket, turned from Klaus, and coughed several times

"I thought you would know that, through all your research. As you can see," he responded as he pointed out of his window, "we have found ourselves at the edge of Finite Forest." Though Mr. Poe tried to point out through his window, the Baudelaire's could scarcely see anything. The sun was blocked by the pipe like trees stopping the light from proceeding into the vehicle. Not only was the sun blocked, but Mr. Poe was an obscurity as well, dangling his handkerchief right in the view of Klaus' unbelieving eyes.

Klaus, again, was the first to speak up, after giving up his examination of the nature out of Mr. Poe's window. "Haven't we been here. We went here once. It rings a bell, but I just can't put my finger on it." he exclaimed searching his brain for any necessary information. But before he could search any further, the driver's door opened, slammed closed, and the driver proceeded to open Mr. Poe's door. When he did so, and after Mr. Poe got out, coughing several times into his open handkerchief, the Baudelaire's could see the entire atmosphere in which was simply un seeable by the Baudelaire's eyes.

Klaus noticed the pipe like trees, while Violet examined the ground, seeing an asortment of clays, mud, and no trace of grass. Sunny couldn't see a thing because of Klaus' overpowering body, but she could still visualize what the dismal forest looked like from the looks on the Baudelaire's forest.

"Finite" Sunny shipered in a low voice just loud enough for the Baudelaire's to hear. There is no need to translate this as Sunny, instead of saying her general baby gibberish, finally said something that made sense in complete and understandable English. Finte, is a word that here means "The title of a dismal forest filled with pipe like trees, low shrubs, and hardly any wild animals whatsoever".

Klaus stopped his Trans over the forest, and stared at Sunny. "Finet Forest...Paltryville. I remember..." he said in a hush tone, mildly quieter than Sunny's before-hand exclamation.Klaus got on his feet, hunched his back so he wouldn't hit the car roof, and shuffled his way out of the buggy. Violet followed him, her head filling with thoughts of their stay at the Lucky Smells Lumbermill - her mind bringing up the fact that all they had to eat for lunch was a stick of gum. Sunny was left in the buggy, got to her feet and slowly walked her way behind her sister. Violet closed the door behind Sunny, and the three were left they, gawking at the tall trees, the gray atmosphere, and the silent rumble of lumberyards.

"Well. Yes, it's Finite Forest. remember your stay at Paltryville. It was a horrible one. But we're far from there," Mr. Poe said, reassuring the children, "Paltryville is too far west from here. Were east, near the Bleary Bogs, which is home to your new gaurdian."

Klaus stared at him, still gawking, looking down the road as if he'd just seen an aligator on Roller Skates. "You mean our gaurdian lives near the place where I was hypnotized, someone was murdered, and a bleary bog?" he started as he took a few step towards Mr. Poe, who was standing at the edge of the tree line, shivering from a cold gust of wind.

"Who is our gaurdian?" Violet asked curiously, as she too stood along with her brother. "I think we'd better know who we're dealing with. We haven't had much luck in the past." The two waited anxiously for Mr. Poe's response, but all he responded with was a gesture towards his jacket pocket.

"Cough" said Sunny.

"Mr. Poe - " said Violet, a little bit frazzled, "Mr. Poe - ." But Mr. Poe's several loud coughs showed he was not in the mood to answer questions while having a throat full of flem.

"End?" asked Sunny, as Mr. Poe removed his handkerchief from his mouth and looked at the Baudelaire's with confusement.

"End?" he asked Violet, "What does end mean?"

"Nothing Mr. Poe," started Klaus looking a bit frustrated and cold, "We would like to know who our gaurdian is."

"Very well then." Mr. Poe responded as he stuffed his handkerchief into his pocket, and with the other hand, pulled out a small sheet of paper and handed it to the anxious Baudelaires.

Anxious, if you have been following my studies, is a word which here means "Very impatient to hear word about their new Gaurdian", and does not mean nervous, which is a word which here means "What the Baudelaire's felt as the entered the clammy hands of Count Olaf.". There is a very significant difference, and if you have been told other wise then the person who told you should not be discussing synonyms, but should be writing down every detail of their pitiful life. Just as I am doing with the Baudelaire's. But as Klaus was handed the paper from Mr. Poe, he did feel anxious, just as his other siblings did. But after he read the unbelievable information, he started to feel nervous. And when you can't believe what you are reading, hearing, smelling,feeling, or tasting, a simple phrase comes from the lips of your mouth.

"I can't believe my eyes." whispered Klaus as the re-read the dreadful note left behind by one of the most obscure and rash orphan gaurdians ever.


	2. The Bitter Bogs: Chapter the Second

**Chapter Two:**

If you have ever seen something that has made many other people very confused, nervous, and completely un-anxious, then you may feel that way too, when it is in your sight. So, as the Baudelaire's looked at the sheet of paper they had just been handed, they started to feel nervous, confused, and utterly un-anxious. But unlike most people, the Baudelaire's were acustom to pain, sorrow, and the looming misfortune. They weren't as confused as if you had read it. They weren't as nervous as if your friend had read it. And they weren't as un-anxious as if your nemesis who seems to be plotting world domination just to seek revenge, would if he or she had read it. The Baudelaire's, for many other reasons, were prepared for the let-down in which they have sorrily been recieved. And I am sorry to say, that their saddening let-downs, would only continue throughout their unfortunate lives.

"From the desk of Polly Nesbit," said Klaus interupting the complete and utter silence, "To the Baudelaire's. Hello Violet, Klaus, and Sunny. I am your new gaurdian, Polly (call me Mistress) and you are to be appointed to room number 12 of my humble aboad."

"Why would we have to call her Mistress?" asked Violet curiously but hushed, interupting Klaus' recital of the dismal letter.

"I don't really know. But we've seen stranger things." Klaus answered.

"Hasahofit!" exclaimed Sunny. Hasahofit is a word which here means "Like the time we worked at Lucky Smells Lumbermill, and our gaurdian made us call him Sir!"

"Maybe their related." Violet added as she quickly tranlated Sunny's words.

"Maybe. Maybe they are related. Maybe our new parent has three feet - but we won't know until we meet her." Klaus said, ending their little discussion.

"Jamook" Sunny said, which Violet was quick to translate.

"Yes, Klaus," she started as she shook her head, "Carry on."

"Ok", Klaus said as he stared back at the sheet, "Due to certain circumstances, I will only be seeing you on occasion. Preferable on Tuesdays at Twelve O'Clock in the after noon."

"Isn't that confusing. To set times you will see your children!" Violet interupted, looking utterly confused.

"Yes, yes it is. Let me finish", Klaus said, getting a tad annoyed by the constant interuptions, "Also, the Metropolitan City Council has allowed us to use Prufrock Preporatory's computer to aid our capture of Count Olaf. See you here!"

The Baudelaire's stood there, looking as if they couldn't believe there eyes, or as if a dog had just comitted arsony. Sunny was thinking that the computer used at Prufrock Preporatory school would not aid them in keeping Count Olaf away like it hadn't in the past, and for sure that it wouldn't help the capture of Count Olaf. Klaus was thinking what Polly did that would keep her so busy, and Violet was wondering why she hadn't stated her address.

Mr. Poe spoke up, and answered a few of the Baudelaire's questions, "Polly works as a nature - ologist or something like that, just down this road. After a few turns we should be at Bleary Bogs, where she works."

"Sajool?" Sunny asked, which here means "And how will a computer keep us safe now?"

But Mr. Poe ignored her completely, and headed back into the buggy. "Come along children", he asked demandingly, "And tell your sister I don't know what Sajool means". The three Baudelaire's followed him into the buggy one by one. After a short conversation between the driver and Mr. Poe, the buggy was off, bumping it's way down the quirky road.

Finally, the buggy came to a halt, after several twisting turns.Klaus was the first to exit the buggy, and what he saw in front of him had to be the most ubelievable thing he had seen in several years.

Klaus, and now his sister Violet, were standing outside of a gigantic log cabin. There were hundreds of windows, all looking perfectly aligned. The doors were simply magnificent in every way, and if it were sunny, then the reflection off the bright panels of glass would blind any eye insight. The logs were all of the same color, texture, and all in perfect lines, rows, and columns. Not only was the building magnificent, but the objects infront were very eye-shocking as well.

"This building is magnificent!", started Violet as she grinned for the second time in one hour, "And look at all of the fun things to do outside!"

Outside of the building, closest to the Baudelaire's, there was a swing set gleaming in all of it's humungous glory. Closest to Sunny, who had now reached the outside of the buggy, there was a lonesome tire, waiting there for her to bite.

"Autotire!" she shouted as she happily pointed out the tire laying on the lush green grass.

"My goodness!", exclaimed Mr. Poe as he too gazed at the massive wood building, "Isn't this place smashing - " Before he could finish his statement he reached into his pocket and pulled out his handkerchief and coughed heavily into it several times, making it his seventh time that morning.

After my studies of the Baudelaire's viewing of Polly's building, it has come to my knowledge that tears were being formed in one of the Baudelaire's eyes, then another, until the Baudelaire's couldn't handle it any further and streamed tears down their face, grinning and hugging eah other gleefully, still in shock that the one person who seemed too ocupied with her job, could keep such a nice building in shape.

"Well Baudelaires, I wish I could come inside but I have some very important business to tend to at the Mulctuary Money Management." Mr. Poe said as he layed his hand on Klaus' shoulder. It reminded his of how his father would always comfort him. "I think the main door is here", he said pointing to the left set of doors, "Or is it this one?".

"Don't worry Mr. Poe", said Violet reasurringly, "We'll just enter the one nearest."

"Well, I wish you the best Baudelaires. You can always reach me at the bank." Mr. Poe added as he walked into the buggy. After a few moments, the buggy started and was no more of a distant speck on the horizon. The Baudelaire's were left alone again, but this time were very happy. They had forgotten about Count Olaf. They had forgotten about the not so usefull computer. They had forgotten about their gaurdian's tight schedule. That moment, in the Baudelaire's lives, was the happiest moment they had experienced since the dreadful day as they walked along the grey sandy Briny Beach.

The Baudelaire's started thinking about their new lives as the walked towards the door. Sunny thought about how much time she could spend biting the tire on the front lawn, as she climbed the step to the front door. Klaus started to ponder what spot of the grass was the best spot for him to read as he arrived at the door. Violet started thinking about how she can mechanically enhance the swing set as she turned the door handle. Then they entered the building, and I am sorry to say that the thoughts they were pondering, and the feelings they were feeling drastically changed into horrible thoughts that are unimaginable to mine or your brain. As they entered the large house, all the thoughts of happiness escaped them, and they were only left with the fears of the one man the feared the most (above all fearable things) and that one man is the one and only villianous - Count Olaf.

For the second time in one hour, the Baudelaire's stood there, shaking their heads, and thinking to themselves a very saying that has come up alot in their terrible lives.

"I can't believe my eyes" Violet whispered as she gazed open eyed into the upsetting scary room.


End file.
